I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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