She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
