He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
