I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
