Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
