Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
