i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
