I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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