I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
