so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i've created a new STD.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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