It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
