Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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