Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
