nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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