; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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