I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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