Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor