I skipped work to stalk him.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
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you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.