Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
