I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
