Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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