I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
