I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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