i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
