Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
