Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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