Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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