it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
