census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
