I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
