i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
