my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
