And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
