New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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