why didn't you poke me back
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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