So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
