Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's like iHOP with fire
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
