it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
