I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
