I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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