I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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