That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i have two assholes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
