Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
