Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
