didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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