So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
soo... how was my night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
