Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
