he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
