The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed