i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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