Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
