The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
