i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
