i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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