Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
