I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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