like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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