I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
