Only a mothe r could love this liver
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
