in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
