??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
