Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
