next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize