I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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