My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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