Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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