If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize