At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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