I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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