I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
