I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
