You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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