R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tell her she can't have a vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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