I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
